In the discovery is nestled this odd tidbit of knowledge that might have something to do with it. I am not a flirt. I never really have been. I was never taught to flirt. I never had an older sister to teach me. It was quite a long time before I got the opportunity to try and flex those sorts of muscles, and by the time I was able, it seemed that the parade had passed me by. I was a "Late Bloomer". I think that is suppose to make you deep or something. I don't buy that for a minute. It just makes you depressed.
I find it hard to call someone "Sweetheart" or "Honey". I don't know, I feel silly. Don't get me wrong, I love it when I am flirted with. Calling me "Sweetheart" or "Honey" is fantastic. I just feel awkward and really dorky. There seem to be some boundary that there and I am not quite sure where it is.
I even find it awkward to call Keith pet names sometimes.
Maybe it is just right now. This moment in time is really perilous and I am using all my energy to keep myself together and functioning. When things are better ( and they will be goddammit!!) I will be able to loosen up a bit and find my inner flirt.
In figuring out this bit of myself, I find an acceptance of it. Which is a bit odd.
Is this something I should accept?