She was a college professor somewhere in Canada. In the recent weeks I have glanced at my live journal several times and not seen a post from her so I went directly to her live journal and saw that she had been diagnosed with cancer. Or the C word as she put it. Today, I was searching for some of her fanfiction and I saw that she had several memorials on her journal and my breath caught. I searched some of the live journals on the memorials and finally found that she had died. I am stunned and heartbroken.
She was a self proclaimed pornographic goddess. She was tawdry, and literary, and smart, and completely vulgar in the most delightful way. She was vivacious and and her wit was quick and sharp. She did not suffer fools or people who took themselves to seriously. And I think it was her most ardent dream to see Clark and Lex make out on her living room floor(and then join them, of course).
It always strikes me as lovely and strange that you can get to know someone in cyberspace and how much they can come to mean to you even if you hardly ever communicate directly. We did on a couple of occasions, but I, like most of her followers watched and laughed and agreed from a distance.
I feel like there is much less light in the world.
And I loved her even though I never really knew her.
I feel like I did when I found out Spalding Grey had committed suicide. Like in some irrational but fundamental way it affects my life. I think just knowing she was out there somewhere meant that the passion I put into fandom was not silly. That fanfiction was just another form of fiction.
Because if Tham agreed, it couldn’t possibly be any other way.
I will miss you Tham, you affected my life and I will be forever grateful.