{what i have been up to}

Look what I did!  I have been (finally) working on a baby book for some close friends who are due in December.  I finally found my muse and this is what I have done in the last two days.



It is a baby's first year book.  I don't work in order, just what ever catches my fancy. 

{i have been won over... big time}

Matt Smith.

Matt Smith has not only won me over as Doctor Who, but I also have developed a crush on him.  I never found him particularly attractive in all the promos and hoopla before the first episode came out.  But yeah, I so have a crush. 

As Doctor Who he has a manic way about him.  He still carries the anger that 10 had before he regenerated.  He has that wonderful arrogance that a Doctor should have, and he has a casual way of using it.  I was worried that because he is so young he would have trouble conveying the weight of the years he has lived, but I don't think he has a problem at all.  He has a gentleness  with Amy that I find touching.  

So, yeah, totally won over

{coming to terms}

 I have recently made a discovery.  People like Keith more than they like me.  Maybe like isn't the exact right word.  Maybe enjoy is more to the point.  He is open, enthusiastic, caring and seems to genuinely want to talk to them.  I think it is the enthusiasm that is the key here.  I am not sure if I was ever as enthusiastic as he is.  I suppose it depends on the subject. 

In the discovery is nestled this odd tidbit of knowledge that might have something to do with it.  I am not a flirt.   I never really have been.  I was never taught to flirt. I never had an older sister to teach me.  It was quite a long time before I got the opportunity to try and flex those sorts of muscles, and by the time I was able, it seemed that the parade had passed me by.  I was a "Late Bloomer".   I think that is suppose to make you deep or something.  I don't buy that for a minute.  It just makes you depressed.

I find it hard to call someone  "Sweetheart" or "Honey".   I don't know, I feel silly.   Don't get me wrong, I love it when I am flirted with.  Calling me "Sweetheart" or "Honey" is fantastic.  I just feel awkward and really dorky.  There seem to be some boundary that there and I am not quite sure where it is.  

I even find it awkward to call Keith pet names sometimes.

Maybe it is just right now.  This moment in time is really perilous and I am using all my energy to keep myself together and functioning.  When things are better ( and they will be goddammit!!) I will be able to loosen up a bit and find my inner flirt.

In figuring out this bit of myself, I find an acceptance of it.  Which is a bit odd.

Is this something I should accept?  

{new obsession...}

Criminal Minds. Yeah, late to the party as usual but I always seem to have a good time anyway.

I love smart guys. I just love 'em. I think smart is as sexy as washboard abs, and twice as much fun. My theory is you can only look at them for so long before you have to have a conversation. Hence my current obsession.

Dr. Spencer Reid.

Wow. Just wow.

He is a member of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU).  He is a profiler. He graduated public high school in Las Vegas at 12. He is 27 and has 3 doctorates and 3 bachelors. He is currently working on a bachelor in Philosophy. He is socially awkward and he is completely my TV boyfriend. 

It doesn't hurt that the actor who plays him Matthew Gray Gubler was a runway and print model for Marc Jacobs, Burberry and Louis Vuitton.
So, you know, hot.  Really, really hot.  I love my guys pretty.  And he is pretty!

I love the fact that Criminal Minds comes on like 4 times a day on 2 different channels.  Ah! The gloryousness of a the beginning of a new obsession.   My poor DVR is working overtime!


{in memoriam} repost from 4/19/2007

I found out someone died today. I think she died on the 12th, but I am not sure. I didn’t really know her, but she was a bit of a hero to me. Her live journal name was thamiris . I never knew her true name. She was heavily involved in the Smallville fandom, a bit involved with Harry Potter, and when I was into my live journal on a daily basis, I read her entries ravenously.

She was a college professor somewhere in Canada. In the recent weeks I have glanced at my live journal several times and not seen a post from her so I went directly to her live journal and saw that she had been diagnosed with cancer. Or the C word as she put it. Today, I was searching for some of her fanfiction and I saw that she had several memorials on her journal and my breath caught. I searched some of the live journals on the memorials and finally found that she had died. I am stunned and heartbroken.

She was a self proclaimed pornographic goddess. She was tawdry, and literary, and smart, and completely vulgar in the most delightful way. She was vivacious and and her wit was quick and sharp. She did not suffer fools or people who took themselves to seriously. And I think it was her most ardent dream to see Clark and Lex make out on her living room floor(and then join them, of course).

It always strikes me as lovely and strange that you can get to know someone in cyberspace and how much they can come to mean to you even if you hardly ever communicate directly. We did on a couple of occasions, but I, like most of her followers watched and laughed and agreed from a distance.

I feel like there is much less light in the world.

And I loved her even though I never really knew her.

I feel like I did when I found out Spalding Grey had committed suicide. Like in some irrational but fundamental way it affects my life. I think just knowing she was out there somewhere meant that the passion I put into fandom was not silly. That fanfiction was just another form of fiction.

Because if Tham agreed, it couldn’t possibly be any other way.

I will miss you Tham, you affected my life and I will be forever grateful.

{Albus is gay} repost 10/27/2007

I read a somewhat dubious literature called fanfiction. It is made all the more subcultureish by the fact that most often I will be reading what is called slash fiction. This means that most of the romantic relationships in said fiction is homosexual in nature. I like to read about boys falling in love and boinking each other.

Having said that, I can say that hearing from the great lady herself that dear old Albus is gay gave me a strange sort of satisfaction. I suppose it is because I have seen so many stories where he is gay already, it was just an affirmation of what I, on some level, already knew. Maybe it is because I have come to believe that almost anyone and anything is slashable. This just proves it. Sort of.

There has been considerably less bruhaha about this than I would have thought. Which either shows that society is finally getting used to the fact that there are gay people everywhere, or that people are sick of hearing about Harry Potter. I think probably the latter.

They just don’t understand the depths of the obsession that has gripped we Potterites. For the better part of the last decade has been spent mostly in some level of anticipation. Waiting for the next book, the next movie. All we have left is movies.

We are on the cusp of becoming victims of post potter depression.

One thing I do know is that Harry Potter will never go away. There are too many devotees out here in the real world that have secret lives that include the boy with the scar. We are raveous for anything new. Anything.

{the powers that be can shove it....}

Let me tell you about my last 2 weeks. Monday the 18th my Uncle died from cancer. He was in a lot of pain, so he is better off, but still it sucked big time. The memorial service for him was the following Friday. As I was getting ready for the service I get a call from my Mother telling me that my Aunt on the other side of the family has fallen she has internal bleeding in her head that they can't stop because she had been on blood thinners. They have her on life support and she isn't going to make it.

Well, hell.

30 minutes later I get another call from my mother telling me that my Great Uncle in Seattle has died that morning as well. After that I swore I wasn't going to answer the phone again.


I went to a Memorial service on Friday that was quite lovely. I am not a church goer so I cringed my way through the preaching and tried to hold it together as the other members of my family and I glanced at each other with a look in our eyes that said "Really?". The service didn't even last an hour. My Uncle had requested a short service and they listened. However the closing prayer lasted so long that Keith said he actually lost his train of thought at one point. One cousin said she wanted out of the family, she was done. I understand. She has rescinded the offer, which is good, as we apparently are dropping like flies.

Last Monday I went to another Funeral. This one was like most southern funerals. LOTS of preaching and lots of deifying. The woman that the preacher apparently knew wasn't the one I remembered being my Aunt. We got to sing hymns, which I enjoyed, it is the only thing from church I miss. Toward the end though, they tried to get people to get saved. I really, really, really hate that. They said that it was what my Aunt would want. Bollocks. Left us all in a bad mood and we went and searched out pie.

They have the most amazing fried pies in Canton TX. If you are ever there, go find the Baker's Ribs BBQ place. Oh. My. God. The crust is to die for.

Now, a couple of days ago a very close relative of my husbands (I am being vague on purpose, trying not to make a bad situation worse no matter how I want to resort to hair pulling and jumping about) unloaded 20 years of repressed anger on him. Charged him with all manner of sins, real and imagined and then refused to try to work it out. It started with Keith making a extremely tasteless reply on Face Book, something he shouldn't have done seeing who's Face Book page it was he was writing on, but this person got embarrassed in front of people who's opinion this person valued.

The gist of the call was that everything Keith (and presumably me too, as I am apparently Keith's appendage and incapable of independent thought so I got unfriended when he did)does and every thing he thinks is all aimed at poking at and making fun of this person. Have I got news for this person. They don't even rate on the list of things we worry about. We have quite enough problems on our own to even contemplate worrying about them.

Apparently Keith is vicious and petty and uncaring and unloving and spiteful. He is also too loud, and too forceful. He can't forgive this person for things that happened years ago and he hates them and will always hate them. This is a pet peeve of mine, the word "always". I personally don't think human beings "always" do anything. Every situation is different, thank god. Saying you "always" do this or you "always" do that is a sure way to piss me off.

As a result of this phone call I have been having arguments with this person in the car, shower and almost anytime I find myself alone. I am exhausted as a result of the deaths and now this stupid phone call that wasn't even mine. Keith made a post about all that has happened and had to take it down because someone said it was only made to build him up in his friends eyes. However it has come to our attention that today a letter was posted to that said person is going to cut themselves off from the rest of us as they have apparently become "too forgiving" and this made them a doormat. That they just take it and take it and now they were done. I guess that Keith wasn't the only on in the family that was nasty, mean and rotten to them, so we all get punished. I suppose this letter however was not suppose to boost this person to their friends and/or family. Yeah, right.

I am finding righteous indignation so tiring.

Families falling apart, relatives dying like fruit flies.

So, Yeah, if the powers that be can find their way to giving us a bit of a break, that would be awesome.

{vanity thy name is...}

I am going to post some of the entries from my blog here because:

1. The blog is about to go bye-bye and I don't want to lose them and

2. I am just that vain.

So, please ignore the next several posts if you wish, I am doing this as some form of an exercise in "wow, look I can string words together in almost coherent sentences". Not very flattering, but there it is.

So, again, forgive me for the vanity.